


Touchy-Feely

by Engiffyserce



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Cancer, M/M, cancer tw, prompt, vocal problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 21:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1702424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engiffyserce/pseuds/Engiffyserce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: 'Joel loses his voice. He then proceeds to communicate through face touching'</p>
<p>"So, is this permanent?" Ray asked, eyes moving between the older man’s face and his bandaged neck. Joel gave a small shrug and a genuine smile, hoping the younger would get the message that it was okay either way and that he was okay. However, even if it was okay for Joel, it wasn’t okay for Ray.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touchy-Feely

**Author's Note:**

> THIS ONE WAS EXTREMLY FUN TO WRITE LET ME TELL YOU

"So, is this permanent?" Ray asked, eyes moving between the older man’s face and his bandaged neck. Joel gave a small shrug and a genuine smile, hoping the younger would get the message that it was okay either way and that he was okay. However, even if it was okay for Joel, it wasn’t okay for Ray.

      Just five weeks ago the middle-aged man had been diagnosed with stage two Glottic Cancer and just four days ago he had to go in for surgery to remove some tumors forming on his vocal cords. That wasn’t the worst part.

      The worst part was the fact that Joel might never talk again. Ever. Ray loathed that idea. Because as far removed as they were as a couple, [or as unrequited as Joel was] the Puerto Rican still _loved_  to hear the elder’s voice. It was comforting to hear Joel crack a joke, laugh, or in a rare case, actually talk with some seriousness. It made Ray feel at home, safe, and wanted. But now it was gone and that tore him up.

      Ray frowned, reaching out to touch the white gauze. “Does it still hurt?” Joel’s hand flew up and grasped the others wrist gently, wincing when the younger pressed slightly. The gamer’s frown deepened and the sick man’s smile dropped. Ray pulled away, fiddling with the bed sheets and mumbling apologies.

      They were at Joel’s apartment, sitting in his bed and having a one-sided conversation. It was Ray’s turn to take the day off of work and spend time with the elder and so far it wasn’t going so good. Ray, characteristically, was worried about fucking something up real bad. So he kept at least a foot away at every opportunity and tried not do anything that—No, it was pretty much more like just tried not to do anything. Joel had gotten upset at that and scribbled, in big letters, that he wasn’t a fragile piece of glass or something and that maybe Ray should think of this as just a flu or something.

      So now after some arguing on health and activity, they both compromised on napping. The radiation treatments made Joel tired all the time and with Ray worrying more than sleeping it did make it hard to work during the day. The younger was going to lay down on the couch for an hour or two, but the actor whom he should be caring for said no and, more or less, dragged him to his room. For the last twenty minutes, they had sat there, defying each others wants.

"Maybe you should get some rest?" Ray offered after some uncomfortable silence. "Since, you uh, have a doctor’s appointment at six." Joel looked at him, giving him one of those looks. He signaled the younger gamer closer. Ray hesitated, but moved closer anyways, lean rigid and as distant as possible. The sickly man smiled, hands finding themselves cupping the others face gently, rubbing circles into his skin.

"Joel?" Ray asked, blinking a few times to be sure this is what was happening. His face started heating up quickly, a panic rising in his stomach. He was confused and upset all at the same time. Joel was touching him intimately. He was touching him in a way that made them more than just friend and coworkers. "J-Joel, really, what are you doing?" Joel removed one of his hands, pressing a finger to the youngest lad’s lips to quiet him. The hand moved to trace a T across Ray’s forehead and down the bridge of his nose, booping the end before letting go of the young man to run his fingers through his hair. The gamer could do no more than let the actor do what ever he was doing. He couldn’t deny that it didn’t feel good, but he didn’t want it to be awkward between them.

      But—it felt so damn  _good_. Joel’s long fingers moved their way through every inch of hair on Ray’s scalp, massaging gently. When he was done with that, his index fingers ran over the the curve of the younger’s ears, following his jawline afterwards. The Puerto Rican to do little more than sit there in absolute ecstasy. The touches made his skin prickle and his heart pressed against his rib cage, beating rapidly. Joel grinned, watching Ray close his eyes and take a deep breath, falling farther into his touch. The elder ran his thumbs across the younger’s eyebrows and down to the hollows under his eyes and back to cupping his face. They sat like that for a moment before Joel tapped Ray’s eyelids, letting him know to open them.

"What-what—was that?" Ray asked, staring at Joel. There was something in the middle-aged man’s smile that made the youngest lad nervous. What was thinking? What was he going to do? The sickly man’s pale face was coloured and his eyes were bright for the first time in a solid month. He leaned in, pulling Ray closer to him. "Joel?"

      And then Joel kissed him on the forehead. It was swift and soft, but passionate in every way. Ray pulled away, only slightly, just to look at the other. The elder was flush and lips pulled into his cheesy grin. His hands fell to his lap, folding themselves. Ray was flustered, straightening out to sit back. He didn’t know what to do. Had Joel really—

      Joel held his right hand up, thumb, index, and pinkie fingers out and middle and ring pulled down to his palm. Ray knew this. He had looked it up before. He had sat there with Geoff one night and learned as much sign language as they could for Joel’s sanity. It meant something that he thought he’d never truly see from Joel. [Nor hear for that matter] It meant something amazing was between them and for as much as Joel denied it, it was there. It meant-

      _I love you._

"Joel, you have to be kidding, right?" Ray said, laughing dismissively. Joel frowned, shaking his head. He reached out, grabbing the Puerto Rican’s hand, using his thumb to help Ray mimic the sign. The youngest started shaking, realizing what was going on. Joel brought the younger’s hand to his own, pressing their fingers together. "You’re not kidding." His voice was small and weak. Once again Joel shook his head, smiling this time.

"Why didn’t you say anything earlier? I mean, before the surgery. I don’t believe that you made this decision four days ago," Ray said, finding himself holding Joel’s hand. "I mean, I just—you know. I just want to know. Since, I mean, you knew how I felt from Gavin’s jokes and—yeah." The elder took a breath before putting his hand around his neck, looking away for only a second, dark eyes growing ever darker. He leaned forward biting his lip, face next to Ray’s ear.

"I was scared," He whispered. Even if it was hard to actually tell syllable from syllable, it was genuine. Even if it was three simple words, it meant everything. Even if his voice was raw and scratchy, it was Joel. It was so Joel that it almost made Ray cry. It was Joel’s voice. His voice. The youngest lad wrapped his arms around his friend, squeezing tightly.

"I get it. I would have done the same thing," Ray comforted, forehead laying on Joel’s shoulder. The elder returned the hug, smiling into the crook of the others neck. They sat like that for a while, enjoying each others embrace and sifting through their own thoughts. When they finally let go, they were both ecstatic, although being over taken by the threat of exhaustion. "Maybe we should get some sleep?"

      Joel nodded, pulling up the sheets to slid in, waving his hand for Ray to lay on the other side. They settled down with Joel rolling over to turn off the bedside lamp. It didn’t help much, [Considering they were trying to sleep in the middle of the day] but it didn’t matter. They were happy.

 

* * *

 

"Joel,"

      Squish.

"Joel, quit it."

      Squish, squish.

"I’m so fucking done with you."

      Squish, squish, squish.

"You’re so lucky you’re voice hasn’t completely come back yet."

      It was two weeks after the major surgery and everything was seemingly going okay. The doctors thought the cancer was going to go into remission after the treatments and everyone was relieved. Joel even got clearance to come to work. However, with both Burnie and Matt saying he can’t do anything strenuous, he wasn’t getting much work done at all. He was sitting in the Achievement Hunter’s office, amused by annoying the shit out of them; especially his new boyfriend, Ray.

      He was going through speech therapy, as well. Even if Joel could manage some conversation, it was easier for him to use a mixture of sign language, writing, and communication through touch for the time being.

      And his favorite communication was pinching or poking Ray’s cheeks. [And then proceeding then to brush his fingers gently across his skin and kiss him but that was besides the point]

"I’m sending you back to the fucking hospital." Ray crossed his arms, looking up from his seat defiantly. "I’m not kidding."

"You love me too much for that."

      Ray smiled. “I doubt that.”

      Joel smiled back. “I don’t.”


End file.
